Wonder and Excitement!

Well, Wonder and Excitement...
how you tend to fare in my life and in that of others.
How change of tides and currents depict and direct the path of
light or
darkness
we should follow.
Are our intentions foretold, perhaps by the road we travel - ALREADY,
Or are the signs to be followed?
Well wonder and excitement, I see great changes already coming about, and the signs were not what I thought them to be.
Misleading and at times even treacherous... a path always uncertain.
But a CERTAIN sign to follow, one embedded with the deepest feeling and emotion, one that will not lie...

I know I'll follow my heart!

Beautifull Daughters

My Two Beautifull Daughters:
Isobella & Alexis.
My Precious Girls. I love you BOTH Beyond Anything and Everything.
You are Both the reason I exist, The reason I breathe everyday.
My beginning in this life and ALL MY POSSIBILITY'S. I would not be who I
am today if not for both of you. God gave TWO Presents to me, My Life My
Soul...
You complete me and make me whole.
I am so Proud, and I want to say THANK YOU, for choosing me to be your
MOTHER!

Journal

So sooner or later, maybe a life story will emerge from this. Maybe I'll do something different, write about my Life. Or about how my Husband and I met, and the romantic months that ensued. Maybe I'll write about my sister that I miss to pieces. Maybe I'll make this my journal. That would be interesting.

I'll think about it, and make some sort of a decision.

Something Real/Lost

I feel like such an idiot for believing and trusting people.
I'm Gullible and naive. A Fool.
Fall, I fall. I hate that I'm not more. I hate that I'm not enough...for you.
Your words say one thing, but I wonder another. Is this Real? Will this last.
Why do you search for something beyond your reach, Why is "us" not an "us"?
I am NOT so certain anymore of MYSELF. No matter What anyone says, I thought what I had was REAL,
I thought I had SOMETHING Real/ and now I am terrified to find that maybe it was Something Lost.
I cannot just put these feelings away, cannot ignore them. But Recover, I will Recover - Given space and time.
I have already Lost to much. A Mother...A Sister...
I WILL LOSE NO MORE.

Of Soft Green

What do you see when you look at me?
Do I fulfill some yearning?
I know that and What I am.
Aware of all that surrounds me - IS ME. I know of MY affect on you, on some others Like you.
An endless possibility,
                Of Love, Passion.
A gazing look at gentle blue, The Sky.
The touch of Soft Green - that I see even in my dreams...Your Eyes.
A smile, a caress, the electric possibility of heat.
For the one nearest to me, My Soul Mate.
My Best Friend,
Forever.

The Mask You Wear

Strangely I felt as though I knew you then.
Perhaps not much more than usual, perhaps just a little more.
A week ago, this was.
But it seems to me that I was not paying attention to the signs; to the words she uttered,
I must have been so self absorbed. I heard her though, and like the past where the worst wrongdoings of a man beating a woman in front of my eyes, I was not affected. Yet, After...
When the words she uttered changed course, and meaning changed, and she changed and revealed more of herself, and more of who she truly is and experiences, then my view of you changed.
My realization of who you/she was/is, became something that sent me reeling in my own private world. 
And the shock, like the past where the wrongdoings of a married man, having an affair, did not affect me, the truth revealed about a friend, you, all in the space of a week, did indeed affect me. 
Because deep down, we want to see, believe, and feel the best for Everybody. We want to BELIEVE that Essentially, EVERYBODY is good. 
But it's sad to think that people, some of them anyhow, are pretending, are not real.
Have a face to put on for the world everyday. Sad to think that some of those people are...my...

FRIENDS!!!

Life Snatched

The Joy. Must have been immense. Know it was.
  Oh, but what excitement, what happiness in something so new, something full of life and growing.
     Such a lot to learn of someone in two short months. How would one learn a lifetime,
        Why would you want to if you didn't know? Of Course all were fooled. Particularly those closest.
The Pain. Must have been immense. Know it was.
  Mistaken. Horror. Shock. Denial. Possible? No. NO.
     What happened?
       I (you) cannot comprehend, could not have spoken to clearly.
        Could You have known? Could you have been aware, on some consciousness?
          What now, who needs to know? ALL.
Say what?
     Does it matter? Do I (you) really care?
       How does my mind wrap around the idea that there was life and now there is not. 
         How do I UNWRAP the idea that perhaps I could have taken the life to me, and perhaps, just perhaps, HE would still be here.
        Cannot know that now, but I know This much is True: There are other Plans for the
                                                 LIFE SNATCHED.
 

Just Thank You.

Patience...
 patience...
   I have so many Questions
     I Know I'll get the answers
       Soon Enough
         Is Never THAT...
             SOON ENOUGH.
               But Wait.
                WAIT?
                   All Will Be Revealed in Good Time. Tonight.
                     Time?
I'll Begin with -
              Where do I Begin?
Perhaps getting to know you, My Angels, My Guardians, My Guides.
I think that will be the best beginning, and then perhaps you can reveal to me - If there is anything that you would like to tell me.
This is an exciting time - I look forward to Knowing You, To be able to Talk with You and Talk To You.
I just want to say Thank You - again, and again, for your help, and for helping me to help others - in Time.
And thank you, Forever to Allison Scott, for bringing You into My Life! THANK YOU!!!!

EUGENE

Eugene... You are a man, so proud, so strong.
You are sensitive and loving...
You are understanding, and patient.
You have stopped at nothing to fullfill my every need, and have given selflessly of yourself,
to all, but especially to your family. Our daughters have the best father possible, and they love you and adore you beyond anything!
I LOVE YOU AND ADORE YOU BEYOND ANYTHING!!!!
Thank you, for being you, for being so unselfish, and loving and for understanding everything about me, the monster I've been, all the different ways I have been. When I have changed, and when I have settled down.



You mean the world to me, I am so proud of you, of you and our two girls and I just want to say THANK YOU.
Thank you for choosing me, and for loving me!

Your Wife!!!!

Reflections

I build you up, they break you down. Are you aware, of all? Of all that you are? Perhaps of all that he is? Or She is? Perhaps to you, perhaps NOT. ALL THE LITTLE PIECES that FORM a PART of The WHOLE, or UNWHOLE.
It would be vital for you to recognize, perhaps in a reflection who you are, or maybe who I am. Feelings fade and spark again, over distance over time. I think of my sister now. And what has her journey been? what will her journey become now that there is New Life about to Spring?
Does she too, recognise her own face in the mirror? Has she been etched? Or has she changed?
the question i want to ask is: ARE OUR REFLECTIONS TRUE?