DECIPHER

I have questions,

to ask.

Perhaps of you.

And perhaps of no one.

And maybe, there are no questions.

What happens in this mind of mine?

Where does it go?

Where do I wonder.

Tell me: Why am I RELEVANT?

Tell me, what is it that draws you to me?

Or is it me to you?

Do we even know?

Do I, Have I,

Made a difference?

Do I light up your sky?

There are moments, perhaps split seconds in each day, where I am lost

and INCOMPLETE.

Where there is a tear in the fabric of my existence,

and a moment later it reseals itself – as if -

there was never a void.

I know these words are complicated.

Even hard to decipher.

I doubt you could even read between the lines.

It's because this is it.

This is me.

Strange.

Complicated.

I have found.

I have LOST.

I have hated,

I have Loved,

and I do LOVE.

I have hurt.

I have BEEN hurt.

And I do STILL cry.

Because people tell me,

they have been hurt so badly that they

                                                  Choose

not to feel.

Shut down all emotion.

I would have to  

                    BEG TO DIFFER.

Who are you?

What are you?

And what will become of you, if you follow this path?

PAIN. I have suffered it.

HURT. Been integral to my life.

Everything that you have suffered,

                                               I have suffered too.

Perhaps to different degrees.

But the essential difference between us is this:

                            Take a stab at my heart.

                              Hurt me as best you can.

                                Hate me. Or love me.

                                 Laugh WITH me.

                                    Be my friend.

                                     Save my enemy.

                             Choose your path with me, 

                                 and I will take it all. 

I will accept your anger, hatred and the

pain you cause me.

I will HOLD the laughter and the love.

Because this is who I AM.

More.

I am MORE.

And so are YOU.

I WELCOME everything you throw at me.

I EMBRACE it all.

And after all is said and Done,

I hope and pray that you and I and all of us will come full circle. 

That you will finally be

                                         COMPLETE!

The Puzzle Piece

The Puzzle Piece: 13 April 2013

I am whole,

And I feel complete.

And then – there's something missing.

All thought processes slow down -

and there seems a strange distant darkness,

it's inside – I know this.

And in this gloom, I feel around, inside myself -

Inside MY SOUL.

I hear my own breath -

                                  Hear my own HEART, beating to a slow silent

                      Rhythm,

And I feel, I touch, I reach out.

But it's complete – I AM WHOLE!!

WAIT! There is something MISSING!

The darkness has changed,

light has infused,

but still in there, where I can now see,

there is but one small patch of blackness,

and a sharp light catches my eye,

as if from a small and clear jagged shard of glass,

A tiny slice of my being, broken out and fallen to the ground.

And I feel that to be complete once again – I need to reach out

and take it – Replace it.

But FEAR grips at me – small as it is;

                                       That shard will CUT ME;

                                       Slice at my skin;

                                       Slice at my SOUL -

as it has done so many times before,

               and there is no adhesive – 

no glue that might hold this one tiny bit in place.

THIS TIME: Do I leave it?

Let it lie there? Will it eventually disintegrate?

Disappear?

But it MUST!

For I will risk my soul no more;

this is a puzzle piece that I can do without -

I KNOW THIS,

but I am held back,

I hold myself back – for this LONGING!

For this

CRAVING!

And suddenly I am reminded of ALL I STILL HAVE – so much -

LOVE,

        TENDERNESS,

                             COMPASSION,

                                                  LIFE!!!

I dedicate this post to anyone who has loved and lost! And loved!!