The Clock

These Tears are not mine to Cry,
For a Heart Failing - Foretold many years ago.
But shown only of recent.
Another life, perhaps well spent, Hopefully SO,
With Meaning and Love and much more as well.

There is a CLOCK ticking, strange how we know...
but in a few hours it will be over and the Soul will be reclaimed by It's Rightful Owner.
Thank you - for the gift to have known you, I know: to me not well,
but for the Blessing of Your presence in this Lifetime.
Your achievements have been of Greatness for you have brought forth (with A Higher Granting) Many Lives and Nurtured your beautiful Children.

How fortunate all have been though - to have been able to spend
These many years,
To have grown and to some have had children of their own.

We all Hope and PRAY that the TIME HAS NOT COME - and a miracle awaits you.

For even him, who lays at the seeming end of his life path -


Miracles have been known to happen.

The Blackest Corner

A Deep, Dark corner, the shade uncertain,
It's where I long to be,
At times and maybe even now. 
I feel a hollowness inside,
A strange emptiness. Lifeless, yet my heart is pounding. 
I see the planes of your face - surreal and unchanged
Frozen & Forever the same.

Why are words SUPPOSED to be simple,

But implicitly  - could they all be LIES?

Is what I, or You, or he, or she say(s) to be believed?

Can the truth be deciphered from insisting that it's TRUTH?

The words are perhaps a game. Maybe they're nothing but

                                                                            Utter NOISE.

AND SILENCE - It MUST be heard!
The quiet.
               The Dark.
                              Like long whispering trails of the fog,
                                                                                     with a voice within...
Calling to ME -
                         CALLING...
                                            And I am to be undone, 
by the black...
                                       The Blackest Corner.

Aleka

Like a fly on a wall, I wish I were.

The whispered voices far, far away.

That jet in the sky -  that travels to a distant land,

I wish I were on it.

A yearning to be a part of your life, 

to see you and to hold you.

To be able to touch your hand. 

To be able to talk to you and plait your hair, 

but see you for real, touch flesh and blood, and not just a cold hard screen.

Sometimes this gets so difficult that I really feel that I don't know how to deal.

Aleka, I love you and I miss you beyond anything.

You are the missing link in my life...

Yes, we may talk now more then ever before, but talking is not always enough.

The horror of it is that we shall never breach this gap, because choices were made, so long ago, and alas, they cannot be undone.

At times the pain I feel is enormous, 

the heartache...

How I have lived without you in my life for so long, I do not know.

But I GO ON.

And will always continue to...

The choices have been made.

CHANGE...

Things are no longer, perhaps what they once were.
But perhaps
                   they have remained the same.
Maybe over time and space, over the vastness between yesterday and today.
All things in retrospect are as they should be.
A perfect balance between universe's:
Ours and theirs, 
Yours and Mine.
But should there be a disharmony between planes, I WOULD BE TO BLAME.
                                              BECAUSE
the belief held is that THIS harmony IS NOT PERFECT.

Things are changing - But nothing changes.
And still - there ARE changes.

                                  *********************************


Authors Note:

We are all responsible for causing change in our lives. I have a friend (or two) who although married still have what is called emotional affairs. There is no intimacy involved, none physically anyway. Although they love their husbands very much, when a man shows them interest, they are flattered that another man could see them in that light. Eventually, if the man continues to shower them with compliments and so forth, it leads to a relationship of sorts. One where they talk, and one where, she usually FALLS HARD for the guy. Temporarily. I know, It doesn't make any sense, does it?

It's been described as feeling as though you are head over heels in love, and feeling so attracted to this person. You cannot stop thinking about him, he's there, in your waking world, in your dreams, in your nightmares. He is the air that you breathe...and this continues for a while.

And then it's gone.

Ha, Ha!!! It just VANISHES!!!! Apparently NOT THE GUY, but the feelings associated with him. She looks at him afterward, and cannot fathom that she had feelings for him, just the other day! I know, I know: it was never true.
But - it also NEVER affected her marriage. Her husband, according to her never had a clue, he never does. As unfortunately she seems to attract these kinds of men all the time...Yes, given she is a beautiful woman, with a really nice personality, who doesn't look for this kind of attention. It just comes to her, and sometimes she attracts all the wrong kinds of attention and she finds herself frustrated beyond anything!

I guess that the point I am trying to make is: Sometimes a new experience, is good, even if it is negative. And it doesn't always have to change our lives.

But also keep in mind that there is no constant, nothing is static - not even your marriage... As I always tell a person for whom I am doing a Tarot reading: Just remember that NOTHING IS SET IN STONE.

Lessons.

I am driving myself crazy, and I don't even know why.
A few written lines regardless of what - shouldn't mean a thing.
I know I spoke of subtext and the deeper meanings beneath, but yet, all they are is words - should not complicate.
Cannot change a thing. Total Recall: what's done is done.
Nor you or they, nor I could ever change that.
Sometimes a suppression is good, especially with matters of the heart when the truth hurts. Time is good too, but it is this time that aids in suppression.

I think that all things buried eventually are exposed. But not in every exposure do we come face to face with what was. Sometimes it's just the memories that linger, having been exposed by that same wonder used to hide it: TIME.

The memories are blue and red, black - trailing like a ghost not wanting to depart this earthly realm. JUST MEMORIES - THAT'S ALL...

Please don't misjudge what it is that I say, for I have no need to change anything, or to correct anything, for it cannot be corrected. There were lessons to be learnt and that was the purpose, and so you see - I've learnt them

Coke can? Or Coke bottle?

Lightning striking in our nearby sky, Furious thunder follows.

You, Fearless – dancing in the water.

At a distance on a safe shore – FEAR inside runs havoc,

and Ignorant you were REGARDLESS.

Time passes and lightning fades,

Your exciting game passes.

This one is difficult, for it requires dredging up a terrible memory of the past,

one where verbal and mental abuse prevailed,

What am I doing, this feels all wrong – but to abandon this project,

it should not be done.

Forgive the confusion...this is a tale that needs to be told (quite simply: Incredibly short and sweet)

Summer – many years ago. Camp. A river. You, A NIGHTMARE.

And the simple things along with a camp fire, perhaps tinned food & marshmallows, and stories abound, of ghosts and horrors, that fit perfectly with the company.

And Vienna Sausages along with coke cans, or was it a coke bottle?

SHADOWS...

The warm sea breeze blew in at the open window for only a moment, but she stirred nonetheless, and in her sleep she felt as though icicles had traced the length of her spine. Reality shifted to dream form, and the landscape she saw was of an icy black lake just beyond where she stood, and the icicles she had felt tracing her spine were growing out of the ice lake toward where she stood on the black shore before her very eyes - she trembled uncontrollably as fear slowly crept over her...

In the blackest of night, in the darkest of corners stood the shadow.

Watching.

How perfect her form in sleep - would be, if he weren't here. 

He knew as he watched her restless movements that he was responsible for her discomfort, that by his mere presence, invisible as he was, the dream she was enduring was projected by him. Motionless he stood, watching her nightmare unfold, watching her unconscious reactions to it. Riveted by her writhing form, he knew she was experiencing a misery that she was not deserving of, and that only he could end it. But he could not bring himself to depart her presence, he felt as though this woman whom he had never met before, who called to him in his mind from many miles away was linked to him some way, and how he had found her, how he had been drawn to her was by some magnetic force stronger than any other magnetic force he'd felt before. But, if he  were to make himself known to her, he would have to do it some other time, and during daylight hours, for if she spent to much time with him after the sun went down, then she would have a night filled with dreams of the worst scenarios. He didn't have to be present in order for the nightmares to occur. One just had to spend time in his presence before sleep to endure...

Understanding this, knowing how dangerous he could be to this beautiful soul suffering before him now, he didn't know how it was possible that he could be a part of her life, or she a part of his, without him causing tremendous damage to her psyche, which he eventually would do. A relationship was not bound by daylight hours, and he was confounded because there stood no doubt in his soul or in his mind that this woman belonged with him...

To (possibly, but not definitely) be continued...

The Queen of Swords...

There are times, when so much sits on my mind -
and I am unsure...
Surely my thoughts are safe - HERE, AT LEAST.
SO, there's a possibility
that say what I may,
                                 You will be HEARD.
Confusing, I know. This guessing game. 
Who is it about? It's always for and about YOU, all of you. Every aspect of this BEING.  WHICH? WITCH. BEING? WHO? PERSON.
A double edged sword, I beckon, come to me - WELCOME! Be
MY
      GUEST.
BUT fair warning, for I am THE QUEEN OF SWORDS, and you will NEVER know my TRUEST INTENTIONS.

Intensely Perceptive, Strong willed, Confident, Quick willed and Strong.

And then My Love Returned.

Breathe in...
A life of a lie.
Of deceit and mistrust. Dissolved - into my feelings for you.
Of love, of Honesty and integrity. Shouldn't be important if you LIE.
Honesty & Truth. Regarded...NOT.
                                                         However STRANGE NOTHING
was felt. Not a twinge of anger, not a hurt feeling.
No rage,
              No hate. After the initial emotions died down, there was NOTHING

BUT AN EMPTY VOID. And then my Love Returned.


                                      *********************************
Sometimes in life, we go through experiences that make us question certain aspects of ourselves, or the people that we love. We wonder if, after having whatever the experience, if we shall be able to trust again. We look at our loved one's and we ask ourselves quietly: "Have you lied before?" - wanting to ask aloud.
In some cases we do. We speak our minds, as I do. And still when we receive the answer of NEVER, do we doubt, because if you can lie once, there is a possibility that you have lied before... No matter HOW insignificant may be the lie that causes a current problem or issue, no matter how quickly the problem is resolved, a lie is still a lie. And that is still something, that no matter your bond, will always remain a QUESTION...

Unconnected Void

Stranger. You Are.
ALL. However,
Blood.
The Sensation is one of strangeness, still...
The feeling, unconnected. Perhaps she was right.
Perhaps there is a distance. Between whatever thoughts and emotions occur(ed)
Are in fact IRRELEVANT.
                                          STRANGE.
                                                             FACT:
                                                                        EMOTIONLESS. So none, occurred.
Yet a presence you are, but NOT A tie (that binds). Thoughts,
FOR SURE, BUT how, and of what? Of you? Of them? Hardly of any.
Is it wrong? I do not have the answer, for these are distant knowings, over space and time - the same obstacles that created the VOID.
But perhaps - time and space are exactly the phenomena required to reverse this DISCONNECTION!